I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize