he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
