I think my vagina is haunted
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
