he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
