I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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