I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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