I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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