he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
