I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
