I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
