You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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