Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
