I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
