my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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