if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
one might say we're banned from that church
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if only i could text you this smell
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am naked and annoyed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
