Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
