You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
