she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize