The maid of honor just puked.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
