he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
