Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
