just tell him i said nine months
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
