I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
