You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
