Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
