So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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