I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
