so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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