i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Drake has all the answers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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