just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
