is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
