so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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