...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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