Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
