I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
