So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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