pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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