i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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