I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
