does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
