I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
