So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
