I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
