what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He literally asked permission to hit on me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
