I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
