Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Damn victory sex feels great
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
