I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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