I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
