It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
