I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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