i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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