im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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