i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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