I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
