two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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