Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
