wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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