I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
