Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's shark week go big or go home
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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