i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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