What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
