She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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